There's a Good Chance a Stranger will Come To Your Door in the Coming Weeks - Talk to Them As If You Know Them
Because you do know them. A bunch of collected notes about the joy and goodness of talking with strangers... even if they are political candidates
Recently, I saw a great article on NPR about the health and happiness benefits of talking to strangers. I agree so much with this. Like many things that make us better, it makes the community and world better too.
Want To Feel Happier Today? Try Talking To A Stranger
YES YES YES. This is for sure true. It feels so great to feel like you can talk to people. You don't HAVE to talk to people but you CAN, easily. You GET to talk to anyone you want.
I was SO shy as a kid. I could barely even talk to visiting relatives let alone people I didn't know well. For various reasons, it got to the point of handicap. a sickness of paralyzing shyness that wracked me so bad it was deforming my body like a kind of emotional polio.
But live and learn. Now I talk to everybody.
I want to share how this has changed my life and the tools I've found that help make it awesome.
The Bus Stop Fallacy: Why We Fail to See Ourselves in Each Other
Picture this: two people stand at a bus stop in the rain. Strangers, right? But think about it for a moment. The chances of these two individuals—both sentient beings, both products of a wildly improbable universe—ending up in the same place at the same time, sharing the exact same experience, are astronomically slim. In all of existence, here they are, with raindrops falling equally on them both, heading to or coming from similar places, even sharing a comparable socioeconomic status (after all, they’re both waiting for the same bus).
And yet... they don’t speak. They remain isolated, labeling each other as "strangers."
This, my friends, is what I call the Bus Stop Fallacy—the human tendency to ignore the profound commonalities that exist between us, even when they’re staring us in the face. It’s one of the saddest commentaries on modern life. For all our shared experiences, struggles, and aspirations, we still manage to create walls where none need exist.
Sidebar: Stranger Danger
The concept of "stranger danger" has become deeply embedded in our culture, but it's a misleading and harmful idea. While it may seem logical to warn children to be wary of strangers, the data tells a different story. Studies consistently show that the majority of harm to children—whether physical abuse, emotional trauma, or exploitation—comes from people they know: family members, close family friends, or caregivers. According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), around 90% of children who experience abuse are harmed by someone in their circle of trust, not a random stranger on the street.
In pushing the "stranger danger" narrative, we foster unnecessary fear and undermine the social fabric that holds communities together. When we teach children to fear everyone they don’t know, we miss the opportunity to help them develop the critical social skills needed to navigate the world confidently and safely. A society where people are too afraid to interact, to help one another, or even exchange a smile, is a society that loses its sense of cohesion. Sociologically, building connections with strangers fosters empathy, understanding, and a sense of community. It’s common sense: the more we separate ourselves from one another, the weaker we become as a whole.
Consider the absurdity of it: in a city like Halifax, with a population of hundreds of thousands, how many times do we end up in similar situations with others, yet fail to connect? Whether it's at the grocery store, on public transportation, or standing in line for coffee, these are perfect opportunities for human connection. And still, we cling to the falsehood that because we don’t know the person next to us, they are somehow different or irrelevant.
The truth is, we are rarely as alone or as different as we think. The rain doesn’t care who you are—it falls on all of us equally. And those who wait for the bus share the same moment, the same destination, and often the same frustrations. What separates us isn’t our individual experiences but our perception of those around us. We categorize each other as strangers simply because we don’t yet know the stories behind the faces.
But what if we broke through this illusion? What if, instead of standing silently at the bus stop, we said hello? What if we asked, "Where are you headed today?" These small gestures of openness could transform the mundane into moments of connection, reminding us that we’re all part of something larger—something human, something shared.
In an era where community is more fractured than ever, the smallest individual effort to reach out can start a ripple effect. A single conversation can shift perspectives, open minds, and even contribute to a more unified society. Especially around election time, when divisions seem sharpest, it’s critical that we see each other not as strangers but as fellow travelers, all trying to navigate the same uncertain terrain.
In Halifax, with its close-knit neighborhoods and shared civic spirit, we have a unique opportunity to redefine how we view "strangers." Whether it’s at the bus stop, the coffee shop, or the ballot box, the potential for connection is all around us. We just have to recognize it.
The rain falls equally on us all. Maybe it’s time we started talking about the weather more.
How to Instantly Feel Happier and Make The World a Better Place - Be a Stranger Engager
Here's what I got so far:
1/ If you have something to say - say it! We're here on this planet for the blink of an all-seeing eye, and there's some others here with us too. If we think of something we should say it. It's not just fun. It's your duty. No one has the right to prefer their own personal peace to the happiness of mankind; your place and duty are to be in the frontline of struggling people, not in the unperturbed rank of those who keep themselves aloof from life.
One rule: Go First and Go Positive
2/ Forget about introductions. I learned this in NYC. People aren't stupid. They know 'who' you are. And you know who they are. Just pick up the thread of whatever it is you want to talk about. This is also the key to New York City, and having a good time in any big city. Just assume away the boring and embarrassing part and skip right to the fun and interesting stuff. And put some energy into it. If dets are important you can fill them in later.
There’s a good reason why the best stories, books, and movies start In Medius Res. Starting a story in medias res drops the audience directly into the action, instantly creating intrigue and momentum. It bypasses slow exposition, engaging readers immediately while allowing backstory and context to unfold naturally, making the narrative more dynamic and compelling. It’s exactly the same in real life. Jump to the good part.
3/ If you want something just ask for it. In the winter of grade four, I peed my snowsuit because I was too shy to ask anyone where the bathroom was at the school I was visiting. Just say what you want. Especially if you just need help. It's astonishing how much people will help if you ligit ask them. Today my whole business is built on this principle. We ask people to explain stuff for a TV audience. And they do. One of the biggest problems people have is that they don't know what is expected of them. If you tell them - like plain out in words - everything is better in the world.
4/ But what if you have nothing to say or offer? Don't be like that. People are meant to be together. We all have our authentic selves to offer. No one is so poor that they can't offer encouragement. Do that. It's surprising how much people need it. But there's lots of other things to talk about too. Since - by definition - you're both in the same place you have at least that in common. Say something positive about that. This ___ place is awesome! And something made you notice the person in a positive way. Compliment that. Your ___ is awesome. Or you can simply ask a person for their thoughts - that's ultimately how we all connect beyond simply being in the same physical space.
Our brains aren't confined to the space inside our heads—they rely on constant interaction with the world and the people around us. From the sensory inputs that shape our perceptions to the social connections that influence our thoughts and emotions, our minds are woven into a larger web of relationships, culture, and environment. This interconnectedness is what allows us to think, feel, and understand the world more deeply.
5/ And there's always gossip. Word on the street is that gossip is the worst. But my Grandmother used to say, "If you can't say something nice about somebody... come sit by me.” Gossip is pervasive in all societies through all of history. It’s not good enough to just say it’s bad… and then do it anyway. Children are seasoned gossipers by five. If you take conventional advice and don't gossip you're closing yourself off from some of the most informative and useful communications ever. Despite gossip’s dodgy reputation, a surprisingly small share of it—as little as 3 to 4 percent—is actually malicious. Talking behind other people's backs may not always be nice, but sometimes it can help promote cooperation, understanding, and self-improvement. Just keep it in due bounds: make sure it's interesting, helpful, limited, and hopeful - without secrets or hidden agendas.
6/ Then what? Well, nothing. You can let it go at that. But if you want to go further: Step 1. Ask a genuine question. Then LISTEN carefully to the answer and ask a second question based on what the person has said. Stay with the person by listening. Don't let your mind race off to your own shit or some like-or-similar story that you have. Swapping like-or-similar stories can fill time but it's the fast food of conversation and is ultimately pretty unsatisfying.
7/ In the end. How do you end a conversation with a stranger? Easy. Just let it go. See what happens. Say 'so long' and be happy. Or meet a lifelong friend or lover. Don't worry about it. As the Freemasons say, "Happy we meet; happy we part; happy we will meet again."
My kids grew up in a town where in our travels I might talk to a dozen people a day on the street and around. And it was a game for them to figure out if I actually knew the person or not. That's how it should be.
I travel the world. A lot. I think of talking to strangers as part of my education. Everybody has something to offer your education. Adm. H. G. Rickover wrote, that to understand, appreciate, and learn to live with the fellow inhabitants of our planet is central to a real education. That is done by talking to them. Every child must learn about the races and people of the world and the rich variety of the world's cultures. They must know something of the history of people and nations. And even if things don't work out sometimes that's important too. They must learn that there are many people in the world who differ from them profoundly in habits, ideas, and ways of life. We must perceive these differences not as occasions for uneasiness or hostility but as challenges to our capacity for understanding.
My BEST talking to strangers story:
Each year I go to a TV sales market in Washington DC. It's a big deal at a big downtown conference hotel. The idea is to meet and greet and sell your ideas. One day many years ago I was on the lower level of the centre and saw the portly and bearded janitor with his big ring of keys come out of the back passages of the hotel. I spoke to him a little about the labyrinth of the building and how many levels there were. Each year at the conference I'd see the janitor somewhere in the back halls and learned about his family, interests, home, and the like.
One year I was walking at the conference with an important European distribution executive. As we were talking the janitor passed. I stopped our conversation to briefly say hello to the janitor and catch up. The distributor exec was clearly flustered so I got back to him and our conversation. As we walked away he said, "How do you know the president of National Geographic Channels?" “I don't”, I said. "Yes you do, that was him." The man I had mistaken for the janitor all those years because he had keys and access to the back rooms of the convention was in fact the head of National Geographic Channels and he became one of our best customers.
What's your best 'talking to strangers story?